The "Rust in Peace" Conspiracy, Part I - Theories about the cover

First of all, I am not a conspiracy lunatic tinfoil faggot, so what you are about to read here is just for fun and most probably not true.

Anyway, if you like metal, you probably have heard of Megadeth, and their album "Rust in Peace". It is regarded as a masterpiece by some people, labeled as mediocre and boring by many, or as a stinking dogshit by others. However, it is mainly considered a masterpiece and the only ones that talk shit about it are gate-keeping borderline retarded hipsters who only listen to music if its "kvlt" enough for their hipster taste.

These people are a whole other episode, and this album is my favorite out of at least 300 other metal albums that I have heard. I think that many came close, but just barely couldn't reach the peak of music that was this masterpiece. And I have a theory, that the band knew exactly how important their music is, and as a celebration, decided to include implicit claims about their work in the cover art of the album, as well as the lyrics.

First of all, I want you to think of a couple of things:

Number I - Dave Mustaine's image. I don't care what you think about him as a guitarist, songwriter or a person, only about his image. Think of his negative reputation. Almost everybody that insults Megadeth won't miss the chance to call him arrogant, cocky or an asshole. Whether this is true or not, is not important, we are digesting a conspiracy, so I'll assume that he is at least a little bit cocky.

Number II - The interviews about the album. Despite being considered a mystery in its greatness, every member of the band replied with nothing but a generic response to the question asked about their album.

This is an important first piece of the puzzle, because, my first theory is that the members agreed to never mention their personal opinion and what really went into making this album that you can't discover yourself by research online or in real life. You can figure out the gear, the notes, but you can't really reverse engineer and figure out each members' thoughts and real inspirations that they put into making this album.

Now, let's take a look at the cover. Could it be, that the cover artist, Ed Repka, was involved as well.

Rust in peace cover art

Nothing too impressive, classic heavy metal, flashy logo, undead skeletons with mysterious objects, politicians, military hanger, right? Wrong! Incorrect.

The first obvious symbolism is the green crystal. We don't know what it is. But, the way that it is presented to us, we must assume that it's something of great value. This crystal symbolizes the album itself, it is an accomplishment of mankind itself. 

Next, Vic Rattlehead, the Megadeth mascot, an undead skeleton, wearing a syut. First, the outfit. The reason he wears these clothes is because these clothes are reserved for a special occasion, they are also identical to the politicians' clothes. This means great power and decisions on a global scale.

The second fact, that this is not a person, but rather a dead person. For a creature like this to exist, it must have been a human first, then it must have died, then it must have been reincarnated. The metaphor here is that even after the artists are dead, the album will not lose any of its value. Their deeds will forever remain. 

The third point, his eyes. Vic doesn't have eyes, which is logical, no skeletons do. But his eyes, they are covered with glasses. And they are not glasses, as much as they are seals, they seal his eyes. This represents that, even if the name Megadeth is forgotten, even if we all die without having heard this album, this album will still shine in glory. The lives of everybody involved in making it are not as important as the result itself.

The alien is there to symbolize giving life to something new, something that simple humans cannot comprehend. That's why he is lying in his capsule, observing, not really sleeping, but not awake. It might symbolize alien interaction which was involved in making of this album, but it would be too much. It might also mean a celebration of the time at which this album was made, the rise of conspiracy theories and UFOs into mainstream culture. This is the hardest one to guess, in my opinion.

The politicians are simple. They are powerful. They have nuclear weapons. They can destroy mankind in any second. They control what you eat every single day. But they are so numb and insignificant compared to what this album is. They all look at Vic with great confusion, they don't know what to do. They are baffled. They are here only to be mocked by the band for their ignorance and short durability.

The hangar might be the studio, indicating that to the band, this studio is much more, it is a place where scientific experiments are observed, and based on that, the future of mankind is decided. This would mean that the boxes are the amplifiers, but this is also a very loose theory.

So, that's it for the cover, if you have something to add, message me, I will quote you, or write about it somewhere, I will include it if I consider it interesting. Keep in mind, this is just for fun. Don't get and call me an entry-level idiot or tinfoil retard just because I like this album and talk about it like this, it is satirical and for fun. Other insults will work better for your purpose, anyway.

Join me next time, whenever that is, we will try to analyse some of the lyrics, which are giving away more than the cover.

Мојо вид уметност.

Фотографии од нас, младост,
Патетични смешки - исчекуваат,
Старци надежни одолвлекуваат,
Демонска насмевка, пцува,
врз вашата радост.

Погледни уште колку сеуште има,
Од време кога Загор читавме,
Безделни, по авантури скитавме,
Удавени, збор за осека,
а се што знаеме е плима.

Ги напуштивме ние хероите,
Глупи комерцијални морони,
За некое си подобро - сони,
Стрипови во црно-бело,
а зборуват за боите.

Ние го корниме последниот цвет,
Колку убаво ти го коваме падот,
Молите живот, а живее гадот,
Солзите се повик за емпатија,
На грешка сте свет.

Не знаеме што, до дно не симна,
Царство од мизерија и садисти,
Недистинктивни, потполно исти,
Оваа не е моја, на милион
е клетници, оваа химна.

The existence of pop music and the buttpain it causes in the online underground communities.

No matter what retarded arguments you try to use that music has been good and now it isn't, they won't be valid and you will just reveal exactly what kind of a half-literate moron you really are.

Arguing about the 80's is just a waste, just turn on VH1 when they have an 80's compilation and you'll see. Same goes for the whole 20th century, you are just proving your inability to explore new music in a period where it's being pumped up the internet's ass 24/7,

Classical music goes a bit deeper, because we know it was very popular, considering how good it has sustained itself over time, but saying that "people listened good music then and they don't now" is countered by the fact that anybody who had no power in that period was considered "a dickless halfwit", and his opinion mattered as much as the artwork of the "special class", and whoever exclaimed his thoughts and didn't try to fit in by listening to what everybody else in his social class was labeled as an "earless waste of good semen". It didn't work that way, you are only seeing history in the way "the winners", in our case middle to higher class critics, decided to write it.

Now, pop quiz, hotshot, you are talking with your friends about mouth breather shit and memes, and Slayer starts blasting, what do you do? You go on with the conversation? Well, you'd really love to, but you can't, because of the music's attention grabbing nature. Same goes with classical, you are driving exhausted from your dead-end job, and Mozart starts going at it. You are sweaty, you are sleepy, you are a mess, are you really in the mood for fucking emotions at that period of time?

Pop music needs to exist. It is the sound of tolerance and mutual understanding. We want forgettable noises to bang in our sub-consciousness while we are going about our business. And why is it such a loss, that you are listening to disposable garbage? It won't matter. People will still remember Coroner. Their underground status is just evidence of musical exploration, they are not understood without time patience and getting into their essence.

Whenever you think about how shit pop music is, just remember that there are house remixes of Bach pieces, bands playing power chords and trying to resurrect the Reich, the Halo, Halo, Ich Bin Alex song in the German learning textbook for sixth grade, and Megadeth's Cryptic Writing album except for Trust and She-Wolf. Pop's purpose is mediocrity and background.

And a big shout-out to the retards posting Wiggle-wiggle saying how it defined our generation, you are far beyond saving, I feel sorry for your father.

Proving that Pink Floyd has no depth, Part One: Wish You Were Here

If you are a Pink Floyd fan, don't read this, I am only here to infuriate you and not to reason with you, I know I won't change your opinion and I don't care, I am here to digest some crap and just go ahead and insult me if you feel like it, I can't win, you can't win.

Anyways, Pink Floyd is regarded as THE rock band, the ones who pushed the genre to the skies and across the universe. The people who make these claims, by complete coincidence, also have never heard The Beatles, The Stooges, The Velvet Underground, Camel, Yes, or any other rock band for that matter. Also, by God's will, they are mostly underage and mediocre, yet they dress like hipsters. And I have no problems against someone who likes Pink Floyd, but every fan that I've met is only good for spamming every single top rock album vote with Pink Floyd entries and showing the genius.com's server bill up the asshole with stupid stuff like this:

What a complete fucking tool.

Luckily, this album has only five songs. Unluckily, two of them are longer than 10 minutes each.

I'll start with the worst, it is definitely "Welcome to the machine". The lyrics are a fancy way of saying "d govermeant is corupt, fug XDDD". The entire song has a psychedelic piano in the background, which is just not done right and tedious. I swear, the fucking vocalist is about to cum. He is so aroused by the thought that he is in a machine that his dick is spitting his future children on top of it. Back to the lyrics, which are unarguably the worst part, fans are trying to gauge one another's eyes out about what it means and can only settle for the fact that it's "open to interpretation" (unfinished). It also has the line "I can play guitar, suck my dick, I'll drive hot wheels faggot.", pronounced differently, but meaning the same.

"Have a cigar" is a mighty second, which is the band's expression of next level narcissism. They are so fucking full of themselves that they had the courtesy to write a song about how they haven't sold out. The way the lyrics are sung and when they are being sung has no reason, the first line is the worst, it just says "Come here boy, have a cigar, you're gonna go far" in the most random rhythm. Oh, but it has a synthesizer occasionally playing chords in the background, so it's deep.

"Shine on you crazy diamond" is over 26 minutes, so it is automatically deep. No arguments. Yea, another song that fails miserably at having progression or a route and becomes just random mediocre solo showdown without having the relaxing effects of regular jazz music. Turn it off, throw the CD out of the window and pop in fucking Lady Fantasy, you'll see the difference right away. This one is split into "parts", about 13 of them, I don't know, and it counts for two songs on a regular CD, giving it even more deep meaning.

"Wish you were here" is the best song on the album. Why? Because it's what Pink Floyd is, another disposable rock band with just one classic song and a discography of shit. It's main saver is that it didn't try to create some super depth like the other piles of garbage, it's an acoustic guitar with four chords repeating and a simple solo, and that is all a band like this needs to be. Just like Spin Doctors' Two Princes, it's simple, but very enjoyable. Not as good, though.

The main reason I hate this album is that it's so damn mediocre I barely have any legitimate arguments against it. It's like trying to argue against a fucking Ed Sheran song, you can't disprove anything, it's a disposable pile of crap, with an extra bonus of being guarded by tens of thousands of completely musically uneducated fanretards. Fuck your pseudo-progressive bullshit.

The unholy magic of Black Flag's first full LP, Damaged.

I had a dream last night that a friend came to my place and showed me riffs from this awesome album, so I'd thought I revisit my opinion on this.

So, if you don't know what a black flag is, it is a hardcore punk band that wages a war against every single song writing technique used by mankind. The rhythm is raging and fucked up, the solos are a mess, and if anybody got a hold of these notes while classical music was at its peak and read them, they would have assumed that it was the actual birth of Satan. It's fucking awesome. 

While some riffs sound like ear torture, they hide a deeper meaning, a guilty pleasure, the feeling you get when you finally take a shit after holding it for five hours. And if you think that that's bad comparison, go listen to it. What you'll hear is a devirginized Marry taking it up the ass. 

This album surprises with it's dynamic style, with a band exploring such off-the-radar approaches, you'd expect it would be power chords up your crack, a vocalist alternating between orgasms and self mutilation, a (bassist), and a drummer hitting the cymbals harder during the chorus, but no, it goes above and beyond. It touches a wide emotional spectrum, this album isn't the same song with different chords. I mean, on a piece of paper it's just frustrated punk songs, a degraded version of whoever the fuck, but these songs stand out a lot. It is just proof of the artistic vision that is Black Flag.

It also doesn't give it that stupid mediocre thrash metal thing where it loses its energy about halfway through because the guitarist is on too much speed to realize that an hour long album doesn't need 9 songs with a galloping rhythm. You'll feel the energy every second. If you go by the book and listen to acclaimed, or recommended albums, whatever, you'll find this typical, but the more you hear, you'll know that this is an anomaly.

That's my two cents on this album, fuck Pink Floyd retards who insult it for it's "depth", fuck butthurt critics who insult the melodies and fuck whoever denies the force of this unforgiving masterpiece.

Things people say when introducing themselves that makes me instantly label them as boring and dumb

When meeting for the first time, people inquire each other about their lifestyles, hobbies and interests in order to form what they consider to be a correct opinion for the other.

The majority of people are morons with no personal opinion, or, even brain, and I'll show you how you, too, can recognize them.

Begin by not acting as a socially retarded person and ask them of their name.

You: Excuse me, sir, but your polite manner and attractive physique caught my attention. May I ask of your name?

Stranger: I am Stranger, nice to meet you.

At first, this might seem like a normal response, but with the second glance you notice something that is missing in this dialogue, and that is asking ME for my name. I am obviously not making a list of people who live in Macedonia and their legal information, you moron, Make way for the conversation to continue!

Me: So, I have noticed your Ramones T-shirt, what kind of music do you like?

Stranger: Oh, I don't really listen to them, but I really like mainstream pop and rnb, but not gangsta rap.

First of all, if you don't listen to a band, why the fuck did you put a shirt with their logo on you idiot. Did you also make sure to write a critique on Ramones' discography without knowing what punk is, too, you cretin? 

Second, what kind of taste is that? Liking mainstream music is not liking music. At this point in my imaginary conversation, we have determined an 80% chance of the person we are speaking to being retarded, however, confirmation is still needed.

Me: So, what are your hobbies?

Stranger: Oh, I like listening to music... uhm... I also like going out. Sometimes I like to travel.

Oh, you like to listen to music and socialize? Do you like breathing oxygen as well? What kind of fucking hobbies are those?

And you like to travel? I'll tell you what, mate, the only people who don't like to travel are people who have brain tumor because they would prefer curing it first!

We now have a 95% confirmation of the person's retardation and we have just the right tool for this job, all we have to ask is:

Me: What do you want in life?

Stranger: I want to be happy.

Oh, really, that's what you want? Well it seems like we have a little dispute in opinions, BECAUSE I PREFER BEING DEPRESSED AND SUFFERING FROM ALCOHOLISM CAUSED BY THE DEATH OF MY LOVED ONES, YOU GODDAMN COW! BYE!

Why Nothing Else Matters is the worst thing to happen to Metallica

Metallica is a band known for their metal masterpieces "Kill 'em All", Ride the"... Hahaha, I am just fucking with you. Metallica is a band known by the majority of the population for their hit single "Nothing else matters", a mediocre song with lyrics which look like they were taken from a "Things to post on your Facebook wall" book and arranged in a randomly generated order, check this out for an example:

So close no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
And nothing else matters

Okay, in the first sentence the author and poet states that he feels far away from what, we expect to find out in the next line, which is "Couldn't be much more from the heart". What the fuck is this? I have been trying to think of some ridiculously funny thing to say about this, but these two lines are so disconnected from one another, they might as well be Lars's drums and Kirk Hammett's guitar.

This is not however, the reason I hate this song, of course, if anything from Metallica deserves to be hated from how bad it is that would probably be St. Anger.

The reason I hate this song is because whenever I tell someone that I like Metallica, they immediately ask me if I know "Nothing else matters". The fact that there are retards who believe that "Nothing else matters" defines Metallica, and YES THERE ARE MORE THAN ONE PERSON, makes me want to go Battery on their ass. Logically I respond by telling them that this shitty excuse for a metal song isn't in fact one, but that's when things start getting really fucking horrendous. After a conversation taking this turn, the next thing you are most likely to hear is "But it's their most popular soooong, how can you not like it?" If you see my face change after you have said this, that's because I am debating on whether I should kill you for how much I hate your or if I should just off myself because of the sheer amount of dumb assholes who can't form a personal opinion I would still have to listen to.

In conclusion, if "Nothing Else matters" is your favorite Metallica song, you should jump off a bridge, and if it's your favorite metal song, then take your family too.

The second thing I hate about this song is it's intro. This is because whenever someone comes to my fucking house, sees my metal lifestyle and acoustic guitar, what they'd do is take my guitar and ask me to recognize the song, the song being the intro of this crap. This is not as bad as the first occasion, as you can really drive one's piss to a boil by pretending to not recognize the song over and over again.