Wednesday, March 16, 2016

Why Nothing Else Matters is the worst thing to happen to Metallica

Metallica is a band known for their metal masterpieces "Kill 'em All", Ride the"... Hahaha, I am just fucking with you. Metallica is a band known by the majority of the population for their hit single "Nothing else matters", a mediocre song with lyrics which look like they were taken from a "Things to post on your Facebook wall" book and arranged in a randomly generated order, check this out for an example:

So close no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
And nothing else matters

Okay, in the first sentence the author and poet states that he feels far away from what, we expect to find out in the next line, which is "Couldn't be much more from the heart". What the fuck is this? I have been trying to think of some ridiculously funny thing to say about this, but these two lines are so disconnected from one another, they might as well be Lars's drums and Kirk Hammett's guitar.

This is not however, the reason I hate this song, of course, if anything from Metallica deserves to be hated from how bad it is that would probably be St. Anger.

The reason I hate this song is because whenever I tell someone that I like Metallica, they immediately ask me if I know "Nothing else matters". The fact that there are retards who believe that "Nothing else matters" defines Metallica, and YES THERE ARE MORE THAN ONE PERSON, makes me want to go Battery on their ass. Logically I respond by telling them that this shitty excuse for a metal song isn't in fact one, but that's when things start getting really fucking horrendous. After a conversation taking this turn, the next thing you are most likely to hear is "But it's their most popular soooong, how can you not like it?" If you see my face change after you have said this, that's because I am debating on whether I should kill you for how much I hate your or if I should just off myself because of the sheer amount of dumb assholes who can't form a personal opinion I would still have to listen to.

In conclusion, if "Nothing Else matters" is your favorite Metallica song, you should jump off a bridge, and if it's your favorite metal song, then take your family too.

The second thing I hate about this song is it's intro. This is because whenever someone comes to my fucking house, sees my metal lifestyle and acoustic guitar, what they'd do is take my guitar and ask me to recognize the song, the song being the intro of this crap. This is not as bad as the first occasion, as you can really drive one's piss to a boil by pretending to not recognize the song over and over again.

1 comment:

  1. Your post wasn't nearly as poorly written as you claimed on reddit. There's a lot that's meant to be inferred from the lyrics you mentioned, which then become clearer as the song continues. "So close no matter how far" is the author saying he feels close despite any physical distance. I can see why "couldn't be much more from the heart would be confusing juxtaposed the previous line, but "from" in this case is referring to the origin of the author's feelings. I understand your frustration with others thinking it's like the best song ever(I feel the same way about "metalheads" that only know 'Enter Sandman'), but I do think it's a pretty good song on its own, even though its departure from Metallica's metal/alternative rock style can be jarring.