Wednesday, March 16, 2016

Things people say when introducing themselves that makes me instantly label them as boring and dumb

When meeting for the first time, people inquire each other about their lifestyles, hobbies and interests in order to form what they consider to be a correct opinion for the other.

The majority of people are morons with no personal opinion, or, even brain, and I'll show you how you, too, can recognize them.

Begin by not acting as a socially retarded person and ask them of their name.

You: Excuse me, sir, but your polite manner and attractive physique caught my attention. May I ask of your name?

Stranger: I am Stranger, nice to meet you.

At first, this might seem like a normal response, but with the second glance you notice something that is missing in this dialogue, and that is asking ME for my name. I am obviously not making a list of people who live in Macedonia and their legal information, you moron, Make way for the conversation to continue!

Me: So, I have noticed your Ramones T-shirt, what kind of music do you like?

Stranger: Oh, I don't really listen to them, but I really like mainstream pop and rnb, but not gangsta rap.

First of all, if you don't listen to a band, why the fuck did you put a shirt with their logo on you idiot. Did you also make sure to write a critique on Ramones' discography without knowing what punk is, too, you cretin? 

Second, what kind of taste is that? Liking mainstream music is not liking music. At this point in my imaginary conversation, we have determined an 80% chance of the person we are speaking to being retarded, however, confirmation is still needed.

Me: So, what are your hobbies?

Stranger: Oh, I like listening to music... uhm... I also like going out. Sometimes I like to travel.

Oh, you like to listen to music and socialize? Do you like breathing oxygen as well? What kind of fucking hobbies are those?

And you like to travel? I'll tell you what, mate, the only people who don't like to travel are people who have brain tumor because they would prefer curing it first!

We now have a 95% confirmation of the person's retardation and we have just the right tool for this job, all we have to ask is:

Me: What do you want in life?

Stranger: I want to be happy.

Oh, really, that's what you want? Well it seems like we have a little dispute in opinions, BECAUSE I PREFER BEING DEPRESSED AND SUFFERING FROM ALCOHOLISM CAUSED BY THE DEATH OF MY LOVED ONES, YOU GODDAMN COW! BYE!

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